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Me
I wish I could sleep without the nightmares.
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The last one

  • Dec. 6th, 2009 at 6:00 AM
Me
What a terrible blow. I never want to think about it again. I can't deal with it. Seeing it made me physically sick. I started shaking. It's over. The end. I was already on the verge of moving on. I have to thank God I've finally gotten a reason to let go. Yet it feels like my heart has been squeezed until it burst. Pain is oozing across the floor.

But my hand smells of alcohol. Old, cheap beer. Someone's careless spill. It takes me home. It reminds me of the city I love, of the music I love. It reminds me of the one who saved me. His smile makes me feel like life has meaning again. His questions make me hope he doesn't judge. His compliments warm my heart. His hugs make it right. He, the last treasure chest I would never have tried to open, holds the key to much more than I ever imagined.

I cry, I laugh, I scorn, I thank.

Life is a curious thing.

Destiny.

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WHAT? I have a future? AWESOME!

  • Dec. 4th, 2009 at 11:18 PM
I Love Me
I've been feeling kind of down lately, but today something unspeakably wonderful happened. I discovered that my dream job actually exists, I met a contact in the field, and best of all, MY ADVERTISING PROFESSOR THINKS THAT I COULD WORK FOR GOOGLE! Wow! This is unbelievable! Look out, universe! Here I come!

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Fulfillment of DREAMS

  • Nov. 14th, 2009 at 4:52 AM
Crumbling Arches
I haven't written in a while, but there's so much to say!

Today, the most amazing thing ever in life happened. My very favorite band in the whole world, Crumbling Arches, played a private show for my friends and I at my birthday party! What a time! EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! Over a year ago, I imagined this happening, never thinking it could become a reality. I mean, this just doesn't happen. No one is lucky enough to get their favorite band of all time to rock their house party! I must be dreaming, right? Pure blissful joy! Absolute euphoria. This is one night I'll always remember.


To be honest, right now words cannot capture how I feel. I think I'm still in shock. It was indescribable.
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CONFIRMED!

  • Oct. 23rd, 2009 at 2:35 AM
I Love Me
From the singer's mouth to your ears...  my birthday party is going to be FREAKING AMAZING!  Despite the choppy waves, life is good.
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SUPER SPECTACULAR AWESOME JOY

  • Oct. 13th, 2009 at 12:14 PM
Crumbling Arches
I can't believe I'm lucky enough to have this life.  Last night was AMAZING!
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The sun is shining, little sailor

  • Oct. 12th, 2009 at 1:47 AM
Crumbling Arches
Oh, I'm excited.  Anchors away!   Crumbling Arches, here I come.  HUZZAH!
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Okay, there is officially a curse...

  • Oct. 8th, 2009 at 9:39 PM
Me
Someone always cancels.  More time to practice, death in the family, loss of a drummer, etc.  WHY OH WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY?  This time it looks like it'll still all work out ok, but really?  This is just plain crazy.  I've come to terms with the fact that they won't always be there, but I must see them while I can then, right?

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Oh man. Last night....

  • Oct. 3rd, 2009 at 1:11 AM
I Love Me
Hell yes.  Let's just say that some awesome stuff went down.  All of my favorite things were involved: costumes, Phantom of the Opera, dancing, pictures, fake edible blood, and some things I won't mention.  :)  Now I can check one more item off my list of things to do sometime in my life.  I FEEL SO FREE! 

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Me
Life is interesting.  You grow but never in exactly the way that you think you're going to grow.  Sometimes, you're given amazing surprises, but the things you thought would come easily may never come at all.  You change and become the person you used to look down upon, yet now you love the person you've become.

Yes, life is a curious thing indeed.  At least tonight was rather awesome though.

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Shows, shows every day of the week!

  • Sep. 28th, 2009 at 10:59 PM
Me
So, I was going to go to sleep early tonight, but then I scan my newsfeed and see that the band of bands will be playing a short set sometime tonight downtown.  With no more details to go on and delirium setting in, I think that I'll have to miss this one.  How very sad!  DAMN YOU BRIAN AND YOUR SPONTANEOUS ARCHES!  (Just kidding, you know I love them an unhealthy amount.)  :)  At least, I'll get to see them on the twelfth!
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It gets better? How is that even possible?

  • Sep. 27th, 2009 at 2:27 AM
I Love Me
Okay, so I thought my life couldn't get any cooler...  Apparently, I was wrong.  A nationally touring band that plays on the radio regularly and just signed with Virgin Records gave me and my blog a shoutout from the stage today!  One of the members recognized me and couldn't resist pointing me out to the crowd.  AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!  And I got a signed CD too!  The best part is, after the show, I got to talk to the girl who recognized me, and she told me that it's the music bloggers like me who hold the power in the music industry now.  Then she told me that if I ever needed anything, I should just message them.  Oh my gosh, I'm in a daze.  Pinch me, I must be dreaming.  My life can't really be this amazing, can it?  From down and almost out to flying high in the sky in just a couple of weeks!  Life is just freaking AWESOME sometimes.

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Where everybody knows your name...

  • Sep. 25th, 2009 at 3:17 AM
I Love Me
Isn't it awesome when you go downtown and the members of the bands that are performing know you by name even though you've never actually met them?  MY LIFE FREAKING ROCKS, AND I'M SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW!  This was seriously the happiest show in the history of happy shows!  Even the most emo people left smiling.  JOY!

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You can't get rid of me that easily!

  • Sep. 24th, 2009 at 2:50 AM
I Love Me
Well, well, well, perhaps I shouldn't count the sailors before they've made port, but I must say things are looking up.  If all goes well, I could very well find myself with a major in Mathematics, a major in Statistics, a minor in Theatre, a certificate in Computer Science, and a certificate in New Media!  Just one more year of college (yes, that would make me a sixth year - hey, I still look 12), and I could graduate with all of these as well as an expertly maintained and incredibly extensive music blog, three YouTube channels with a few quality videos apiece, and an active social media base on all major websites.  I would also leave having been president of an organization, "rockstar" of another campus-wide events organization, and member of an international organization.  Lovely!

Best of all, though, I will leave having known the greatest friends a person could ever know, having met some of the coolest, most intelligent, and most amazing people to walk this earth (both in person and online), and having had the most wonderful, unexpected experiences a girl could ever have.  Today is one of those days when I truly value every single opportunity that life has given to me.  I am so very lucky, and I hope to always remember and appreciate that fact.

P.S. I'm totally amused that almost exactly a year ago, I wrote a blog entry so similar to this one, it's uncanny.  Apparently, I always have a moment like this between late September and early October.  :)

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11 72 540 225 65: Oh me!

  • Sep. 21st, 2009 at 2:21 AM
I Love Me
I feel special.  I do.  Now I just have to make myself truly believe that I am.

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Ebb and flow

  • Sep. 20th, 2009 at 3:30 AM
Me
I had a panic attack today.  I  think I might be losing it.  I'm quite worried about myself.

On the other hand, I just had an amazing night!  Four bands, awesome friends, fun times, late night meals, and pirate costumes...  nothing gets better than this.  I seriously must start to love my life again soon because it is truly spectacular.  Wow! 

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I Love Me
I have to be the only person in the entire world who gets this excited over a "maybe."
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Rising from the ashes

  • Sep. 14th, 2009 at 12:41 AM
I Love Me
First of all, I'd like to say, "Thank you, Kari."  :)  You, my mother, and another kind soul, all with your lovely words, helped to bring me from the deepest depths I've ever reached about a week ago.  I'm back again.  The deadness in my heart is ebbing away.  There is light and hope...  I can see that now.  There may yet be a reason to remain, to exist, to embrace life. 

I've met some rather amazing people lately, people who remind me that the world can be a beautiful place.  I've also been reminded that the wonderful people who surround me, my friends and my family, should be constant objects of my appreciation and love.  I really couldn't get through all of this crap without them.  They are the cement that holds me together.  They help me believe that I will feel joy again.  They give me hope.  They didn't abandon me.  No, they stuck with me.  This means more to me than anyone can ever know.  I have things to look forward to, to anticipate again.  I feel valued again.  I feel real again. 

Last week, I mysteriously claimed to be a badass.  In the throes of swine flu, I attended several bands' shows which proved to be a bright spot in a week and a half of nightmarish darkness.  Despite the fact that I became even more terribly ill after that night, I never regretted it.  I was truly happy for a couple of hours.  These are the types of times, the moments, that I must hold in my heart.  Happiness is true wealth.  Making connections, making friends, experiencing beauty, smiling...  these are things worth living for. 

Now I have hope again.  There is a true and honest smile on my face for the first time in a very long time.  I think I'm becoming me again.

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I think I might delete my livejournal

  • Sep. 8th, 2009 at 11:04 AM
Me
It reads like an emo four-year-old wrote it.
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This only pertains to the robot's sounds

  • Sep. 6th, 2009 at 4:20 PM
Me
I think 1 and 2 have switched.  But for the sake of all I did last year, I can't tell anybody.

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